So, who's sorry now? From Don Imus's racial radio rap on the stellar Rutgers women's basketball team to Alec Baldwin's degrading voicemail tirade to his 11-year-old daughter, Ireland, it's been a busy month for the tabloids and cable talk shows. These incidents were, of course, disturbing and inappropriate. But in decades past, the person apologized, the moment passed, and we got on with it.

In today's mega-media world, every slip of the tongue and rogue action is instantly captured on someone's cell phone and uploaded to YouTube, then downloaded all over the world and re-broadcast on network and cable TV-over and over-till an infamous 15 seconds become so ingrained in people's minds that they take on much more significance than they ever have before. Soon the principals directly involved are no longer responding to an actual occurrence, but instead reacting to a video clip-as it is continually analyzed, ad infinitum. In today's camera-ready society, all the world really is a stage, and we are all seated, front row and center, awaiting a star's public apology-and a denouement worthy of the final act of a Shakespearean tragedy.

This is "The House That Jack Built," or so the old nursery rhyme goes. Outspoken Rosie O'Donnell's underwhelming announcement of her June departure from The View finally kicked poor Alec off the front pages, who in turn had gotten everyone off Imus's back. (In fact, during the last week in April, in a confessional sit-down on The View with Rosie and Barbara Walters, a contrite Alec joked, "I got a huge bouquet of flowers from Don Imus!") It was Imus who finally drew our attention away from that Anna Nicole "Who's the daddy?" requiem that just played itself out in the Bahamas. No one has yet said they're sorry for that kettle of fish.

Collectively, Imus, Alec, and Rosie have all taken the heat off the pot of beans hurled by Hugh Grant at an overzealous paparazzo, resulting in his London arrest for assault (no apology yet cooked up!). They have also distracted us from the shower of "safe kisses" that tango-dipping Richard Gere bestowed on Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty during a recent AIDS-awareness benefit in India. This "indecent" public display has transformed the two activists into bewildered pariahs, with an arrest warrant out for Gere in Jaipur. Shetty has said, "I don't think we have done anything wrong. It was an impromptu act Richard did onstage for sheer entertainment."

Entertainment is the key word. What's going on here? Weren't Imus and Rosie hired to be "shock jocks," to shake up the national conversation and increase ratings?

During Imus's 40-year trash-talking radio reign, advertisers and top politicians, authors, and entertainers lined up to plug their platforms and projects-till the day of his ho-hum slip-up. Now, Imus may indeed have the last laugh. Instead of going quietly into his good night, he has hired renowned trial lawyer Martin Garbus (who once represented stand-up shocker Lenny Bruce). They have pulled out and reviewed his recently signed, five-year, nearly $10M/year contract with CBS and revealed that it specified that the I-man be "controversial, irreverent, and personal," which he was being on that fateful day when a one-syllable word was taken in vain.

Ho-such an innocuous word, which once conjured up visions of sugar plums, mistletoe, and joy-has been misused and abused in hip-hop lyrics and slang. After the recent tirade against Imus's use of the word by Al Sharpton (who has yet to apologize for the 1987 Tawana Brawley debacle), it makes one wonder if it will ever be politically correct, again, for Santa to chortle the words "Ho, ho, ho!"

What happened to "Everyone deserves a second chance"? Even Donald Trump gave one to party-hearty Miss USA 2006 Tara Conner.

Here is a quick scorecard of who has-and has not-uttered words of remorse.

Don Imus: Apologized in public, on air, and face-to-face to the Rutgers women's basketball team at the NJ Governor's Mansion.

Gov. Jon Corzine: Missed chaperoning the Imus/Rutgers apology session because of a high-speed car crash on the NJ Turnpike, for which he was hospitalized for 18 days. Apologized to the people of NJ for not wearing a seat belt, traveling at 91 mph, and "setting a very bad example."

Rosie O'Donnell: Apologized in December on The View to the Asian-American community a week after making a thoughtless joke that stereotypically parodied the Chinese accent. Did not apologize for accusing Kelly Ripa of making a "homophobic" remark on Regis and Kelly about Clay Aiken, or for comments about Donald Trump's morality and comb-over.

Paris Hilton: Apologized for the first time and promised to now "pay attention to everything," before being sentenced in an L.A. court for violating her 36-month probation for a previous reckless- and drunk-driving arrest-by driving without headlights, with a suspended license. At press time, Paris is to serve 45 days in a no-frills women's county detention center starting in June. She cried, said it wasn't fair, then went shopping, and will appeal. Talk about the simple life! Sure, her producers couldn't keep her down on the farm, but … a season in prison? Sometimes life is just too real.

David Hasselhoff: Apologized in a written statement for an embarrassing relapse during alcohol recovery at his Las Vegas home, filmed by his 16-year-old daughter-to prove to him how out of control he was. As David knows, America's got talent, but some performances are just too painful to watch.

Sen. John Kerry: Apologized last fall for a flubbed joke, really directed toward President Bush, but delivered as a slur against the educational achievements of our troops in Iraq. This "insult" prompted colleagues like Sen. John McCain to demand an apology, and probably was most responsible for derailing Kerry's 2008 presidential campaign.

Sen. John McCain: Has not apologized for his bizarre karaoke-like "Bomb Iran" rendition of the Beach Boys' "Barbara Ann" before an audience of SC veterans.

Let's face it. Life is now a series of instant replays-an endless loop from which we may never escape. Who among us has not sent an email or left a voicemail that we later regretted? Who has not spoken his mind or lost her temper?

In today's sorry, sorry world, a disagreement with an ornery bus driver or a tug-of-war with a 3-year-old might be recorded by the person sitting next to you, and later broadcast who knows where. We are all potential stars in our own electronic melodrama that might forever be etched in people's memories, and become part of the legacy we leave behind.

Are you ready for your eternal closeup?

Sit back and enjoy The Sheet!