“With friends like you, who needs relatives?” quipped Alex von Bidder, referring to partner Julian Niccolini of the Four Seasons restaurant—home of the power-lunch and the place to be seen. Nicccolini was roasted in celebration of the spot’s 50th anniversary, which benefited Citymeals-on-Wheels at a $300-a-plate five-course dinner.

“At the very least, these guys are extortionists,” said Liz Smith. “Have you ever examined your bill?”

Martha Stewart commented on the $85 baked potato. Then remarked, “The walls say Phillip Johnson but the trees say Howard Johnson.”

Blackstone Group co-founder and billionaire Pete Peterson created a video spoof of the kitchen where empty wine bottles with known labels were refilled with cheap wine out of boxes. Also steaks were served after they fell on the floor… ewww!

“Why do we come like moths to your money-burning flame?” shot hotelier Jonathan Tisch.

Citymeals’ Bob Grimes told Niccolini to stop hanging out with reputed sex addict David Duchovny and to cease calling his private parts “La Conquistador,” and also to remove the “oral exam” section of the female employment application. He then stated, “I understand Heidi Klum took out a restraining order on you, Julian, but so did Cloris Leachman and Roseanne Barr.”

Gayle Greene described the lady-loving Niccolini as “running around like a truffle hound in heat.”

Guests including Edgar Bronfman, Michael Mondavi, Bill O’Shaughnessy, Drew Nieporent, Sirio Maccioni, and Daniel Boulud had great fun at Julian’s expense, of course!